Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
