I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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