My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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