shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
