im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
