It's Friday. Sex?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
