Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You have to summon your inner elephant
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The struggles of a small town man whore
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize