I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
