i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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