one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
