This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
