haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
