I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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