Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
