Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
