i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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