3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is it penis luge time yet?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
