god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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