Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am midnight drunk by noon
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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