when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
