yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
