Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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