I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
