Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
