We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just want nice things and good sex
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
