yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
