it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
