I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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