I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
