I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
