I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize