Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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