the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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