I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
