your thong is hanging out like whoa
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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