The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
