if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
