i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
