Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
