Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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