i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
