i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
sex in a hospital.. check
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
