Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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