May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Operation Purity has been aborted
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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