i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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