Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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