I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize