you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
