Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
