I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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