I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
