I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
