I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize