he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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