I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
