Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
