if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
