i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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