I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
