why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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