If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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