You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
