whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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