I heard we made out
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize