Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
