Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
