My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He shit in the fireplace
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize