I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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