Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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