He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
