bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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