so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
