Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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