O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize