In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize