Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
